In Which I actually post, just cuz. Update.

I think maybe three people read this blog, and one of them is Me. Oh, well. I am posting anyway, and will cross post to my doll blog.

 I have been sick now for about 8 weeks.
What, again? You were sick last Winter, and the Winter before that, too, remember all the Physical Therapy?
YES AGAIN. Only this time it isn't Pneumonia. This time we don't know what it is. It's just too vague to even diagnose.
 So far, two runs of blood tests for various things, all Normal.
An Ultrasound. My liver is a little chubby, I should avoid becoming obese and eat healthy. Okay. But nothing else. Normal. Good, no gall or kidney stones, no tumors.
Another run of blood tests for thyroid functions, vitamins, and Celiac? Normal. Good.
An abdominal CT scan, just in case of tumors or cancer or blockages or something? No. Phew!! Good.

Symptoms:
Nausea about eating pretty much everything that isn't very basic flavors. At times I've been down to Ritz crackers- Most of October was crackers, chicken, eggs, green smoothie and tiny amounts of Toblerone. Currently I can eat a lot more, which has been wonnnnnderful!!
Heats and chills- It ain't medically a fever until 101 or something, so I've been getting really awful warm surges of 99.7 and then freezing in between or during said temp surges. I cannot keep my feet warm.
Fatigue- Exhausted a lot, as if I had Mono. Which I don't.
Weight Loss- around 8 lbs in a month does not happen to me. I have PCOS; It just doesn't. So that's not exactly a good thing. At least a lb or two of that was hard earned muscle, too...

A lot of things have those as symptoms, but not lasting more than 1 month like this. We've ruled almost everything we can think of out.

All the combined powers of the medical community in this area haven't been able to figure out what's wrong with me, or if there is a cure besides Waiting For It To Go Away. Goshdarnit! *flail* Still some of the things we have ruled out were really scary things, so I am very grateful it isn't any of those things.

VERY.
 I just have to be patient, and we hope it is a weirdo virus that will just go away if I rest enough.

In Which I Make a List- Top Ten Reactions to my Asperger's Syndrome

When I say, “Look, I have Asperger’s Syndrome, a form of Autism- “
these are the top ten... interesting responses I have had people actually say to my face:

10. “Maybe your mother didn’t hold you enough as a child/ was on drugs/ gave you the wrong vaccines!”
My mother is a loving and self sacrificing saint of a woman who has never touched any illicit substance in her life, and is the main reason behind my success in life in spite of my disability. Insult her again and I will break your face. You get one warning.

9. “Well, then you can still understand that I don’t appreciate you being Smart with me in front of the class. Next time, Detention!”
I got punished a lot in school for Being Smart, almost always without that ever being my intent.

8. “Oh, my step sister’s niece’s kid has that. Yeah, I know about it.”
Then you didn’t know that Autism is a Spectrum disorder and no two cases are alike save in basic types.

7. “I saw an episode of Oprah with an autistic kid, she was so sweet!”
Thank you for sharing?

6. “You know, It’s not funny to diagnose yourself for attention when there are *real* special needs people out there.”
An Electro-Encephalogram, several behavioral psychologists, and a whole battery of tests I’ve been doing since I was a kid say I am Autistic. I guess I am not Real special needs. Someday, when I am a velveteen rabbit loved by a child, I shall be Real...

5. “You know, I hear they have these new medications for that!”
Let’s see: Ritalin, Dexedrine, Concerta, Strattera, Wellbutrin, Adderall, Effexor, Effexor XR? Because I’ve tested them all. Thanks for trying to help but I have been living like this for several years- it’s not a new thing.

4. “No, I’ve SEEN Autism, and you don’t have it.”
Well, that was the fastest diagnostic exam battery I’ve ever seen, Dr. what was it now?

3. “Well that’s no excuse for your Attitude. Detention.”
Attitude I wasn’t exhibiting- I did actually want to know the answer to my question, Sir. That was why I asked, Sir. What? Another detention for being sarcastic? But I wasn’t-! Yes, Sir. I know where detentions are held, I’ll be on my way now. Thank you, Sir.

2. “Whoa, I never would have guessed! You’re so well adjusted!”
Mostly I’m a good actor and I remember how to pretend, what not to do, and how to speak in every situation. I get up, I go into public and the Act turns on.

1. “But you’re so normal!”
Ah, my favorite. Should I twitch a bit? Would that fit your perception better? Or by normal did you mean eloquent and clever? I am, aren’t I? Did you know some people with disabilities CAN actually have a normal or high IQ? In fact for Asperger’s an average or higher-than-average IQ was part of the diagnostic criteria. I think, I use big words, I go to college, I sometimes work public jobs, I date (occasionally) and I don't have any physical signs of being "high functioning" autistic because there aren't any! I just have a different brain.

In Which I Explain Why Autistics Would Want a Diagnosis

Autism Pride week blurb #2: Why Do Autistic People Need/Want a Diagnosis?
 

There are lots of people, mostly government and academic people, but also people in our personal lives, who refuse to accept you have any reason to do things differently and to deviate from their "systems" unless you have a diagnosis- a stupid piece of paper or whatever from a professional "proving" something. 

Autistic People don't need our diagnoses for anything more than some self-validation, the knowledge that yes, we are simply a bit different- but *other people* so often HAVE to have that Official Diagnosis or they'll accuse us of all manner of things when we're just being ourselves. 

People are scared of Different and will attack it as a character flaw unless it's "validated" by someone with a PhD. It sounds cynical, I know, but that's been what I have seen so far. Without a Diagnosis for an explanation, some people will get really upset with you for being the way you are.

 Edit: On the point of calling a Diagnosis a "stupid piece of paper"- It isn't always. Let me explain: 

A qualified psych doing a good thorough evaluation will be able to tell you things about yourself that you didn't realize, and maybe help you to make your life more streamlined and comfortable.

 I think it's only a "stupid Piece of paper" in the awkward sense that while it's obvious we are different, some people just refuse to listen to anything about you being different, not *negative adjective here* until you have that Stamp of Officialdom. It's just frustrating how we are obviously not like other people in significant ways, but sometimes other people won't believe it until it's signed off by the right authorities- even when we're melting down in front of them.

In Which I debunk Theory Of Mind and Pass the Voight Kampf test.

 It's the common "knowledge' that autistics have no feelings or lack empathy largely because Baron-Cohen, a guy with a Doctorate, has proved, by studying children as if they were mice, that autistics lack empathy or imagination and that we are all little robots. (/snark)
I just do not approve of his methods. It's extremely unscientific to study undeveloped humans (toddlers) and then assume that one's assumptions about their behavior must be true, and then that their emotional development is true of most people with the same condition. He didn't bother to so much as Voight-Kampf test a single Aspie. Showing my nerdity with that Literary/film reference to a fictional test supposed to be used to check for empathy, as humaniform robots lack that human quality... but seriously, all it would take is to ASK an Aspie, "If someone accidentally hurts their hand and is crying, how do you feel about it?" Most of us will tell you we'd be extremely concerned for the person who is hurt, and probably awkwardly offer help.

The assumption that Autism= lack of empathy and inability to intuit what others are thinking is because of Baron-Cohen's famous Theory Of Mind ...er, theory. It's true to a certain extent, but not the way everyone thinks, and we [autistics] certainly do not lack empathy (generally speaking, and as far as I have ever experienced. Being autistic, I consider that some distance). He assumed the lack of "correct" expression of empathy means the lack of empathy. If I had no idea how other people think I would not be a fiction writer known to my friends for "great characterization" nor would my friends seek me out for interpersonal advice because of my "perceptive abilities with people". I just have a blind spot if I'm the one doing the interacting. 

 Appearing to Lack Empathy is hardly ever what it looks like, in the case of autism:
People seem to just not Get how overly logical an autistic mind can be. I helped a friend once by explaining to her that her autistic kid brother doesn't ignore her when she enters the room because he doesn't care if she's there- it's because he knows she's there but it would never in a million years occur to him that she might have an emotional need to have her presence pointed out, when both parties are already aware of it.  She's there, he's there, as far as he knows this is time spent together so that's nice, and he enjoys spending time in the same room as her, because he loves her- that's together time. 

So she gets left with the impression she is being "ignored", when he has no idea people have an emotional need to be hailed as they enter a room as a form of affection by greeting ritual. The idea of needing to tell someone in the same room as you where they are and that you know they are present, when you could not possibly miss those facts, is *ridiculous* to him, but it's an important social ritual to her. Knowing the difference between an autistic person's logic and a typical person's logic can make all the difference.

In Which I am Still Sick. With Rejoicing?

October 3- I went to Great Western War, an SCA event in Bakersfield CA, and the site was covered in dead Bermuda Grass.
October 4- I began to have a massive allergic reaction.
October 5- I ended up in a hotel with a chesty cough, did not return to the camping event.
October 10- ish. Got a round of Amoxicillin antibiotics for sinus infections while staying in Temecula.
October 19- End of Antiobiotics.
October 26- First xrays. Not Pneumonia.
November 3- New round of Antibiotics.
November 16-24 San Diego trip, some improvement.
November 18-22, Prednisone for strengthening heart and lungs.
December 16- Bad Coughing frequency picked up that night.
December 17- Second Xray, still normal lungs. Aches, fever arcing up to 101.6 that night.
December 18- fever and chills, coughing, etc. Still continuing. Had more blood drawn today so they can do more tests.
All we know is that it's not Pneumonia, almost totally Not Contagious because no one I've spent a lot of time close to has anything like it, and I think it may not be bacterial because I've had the same symptoms, to varying degrees, since Mid October when the sinus infection went away.

So yeah, that's what you've missed, folks.

Also, I have the honor to be the Maid of Honor for my best friend's wedding. I just really really hope I can be better soon so I can actually BE the proper maid of honor. I have a bachelorette party to plan.

In Which I Explain Why I Hate "Twilight"- A "Saga" of Abuse

Someone else's article but my same ideas. It's not that it's bad writing, because if you don't look for high caliber stuff and just want a fun read, that's your choice- but THIS list is what's been bugging me all along.

"Livejournal user kar3ning was reminded of something after going to see New Moon recently:

According to the National Domestic Violence hotline, these are some signs that you may be in an emotionally or physically abusive relationship.

Does your partner:
* Look at you or act in ways that scare you?
Check.

* Control what you do, who you see or talk to or where you go?
"Stay away from the werewolves. I love you."

* Make all of the decisions?
Check.

* Act like the abuse is no big deal, it's your fault, or even deny doing it?
"If I wasn't so attracted to you, I wouldn't have to break up with you."

* Threaten to commit suicide?
"I just can't live without you. In fact, I'll run to Italy and try suicide by vampire if anything happens to you."

* Threaten to kill you?
On their first date.

These are some more signs of an abusive relationship.
Has your partner...
* Tried to isolate you from family or friends.
Bella doesn't have time for anyone else!

* Damaged property when angry (thrown objects, punched walls, kicked doors, etc.).
Check.

* Pushed, slapped, bitten, kicked or choked you.
Does tossing her through a glass table count?

* Abandoned you in a dangerous or unfamiliar place.
"We're breaking up. And I'm leaving you in the forest."

* Scared you by driving recklessly.
Check.

* Forced you to leave your home.
She had to run away with him to flee from the other vampires in the first movie, and she had to drop everything and run to Italy in the second.

* Prevented you from calling police or seeking medical attention.
Check. Even in the hospital, nothing is a big deal.

* Views women as objects and believes in rigid gender roles.
Check.

* Accuses you of cheating or is often jealous of your outside relationships.
Check, wolf-boy.

Now I'm pissed. According to the NDVH, "If you answered ‘yes' to even one of these questions, you may be in an abusive relationship." This list is fifteen. "




Also, this next is from the Wikipedia article on Domestic Violence:

"Cycle of violence and Cycle of abuse
Lenore Walker presented the model of a Cycle of violence which consists of three basic phases:

Honeymoon Phase
Characterized by affection, apology, and apparent end of violence. During this stage the batterer feels overwhelming feelings of remorse and sadness. Some batterers walk away from the situation, while others shower their victims with love and affection.
Tension Building Phase
Characterized by poor communication, tension, fear of causing outbursts. During this stage the victims try to calm the batterer down, to avoid any major violent confrontations.
Acting-out Phase
Characterized by outbursts of violent, abusive incidents. During this stage the batterer attempts to dominate his/her partner(victim), with the use of domestic violence.
Although it is easy to see the outbursts of the Acting-out Phase as abuse, even the more pleasant behaviours of the Honeymoon Phase serve to perpetuate the abuse. See also the cycle of abuse article."

From what I have read of the Twilight series, that's pretty much the pattern of the PLOT.

My summary: Predatory relationship =/= Twu Wuv, no matter how pretty the abuser is, or how convinced and (for some reason) willing the victim.

In Which I Get Domestic- Recipes Forthcoming

 Summer Slush
Use a nice high power Blender for this.

Into your blender pitcher, plop one can of real frozen juice concentrate, and it can be any kind so long as it is made only with juice, no added sugar and NO CORN SYRUP. Orange Mango is my favorite so far. Citrus is full good stuff and covers the mild flavor of the next ingredient really well...

Add three Kale Cubes*.

(* I make Kale Cubes in big batches by blending about two washed organic kale leaves, water and a teaspoon or three of my favorite green supplement: powdered algaes, kelps and other good Green Stuffs available at health food stores. Choose the one that's best for your needs. Blender all that into a liquid and freeze it in an ice tray, then dump those out and store 'em in your freezer in a baggie or little bin. Any time you wanna make healthy smoothies, you just drop a few cubes in. Easy.)

Add about a cup and a half of water.

Add about a cup or two, as you like, of Almond Milk.

Blend!

Yum. Watch out, as this stuff is very tasty and therefore very good at giving me a brainfreeze.
I like to slurp it up through a straw.