Day 17 of the Autumn 2015 Sinus troubles.

I've been sick for 17 days now. Only about 3 of those involved leaving the house at all. I am getting bored of my bedroom. *WHINE* I'm a big baby.

 As I mentioned,  I've been diagnosed with Silent Sinus Syndrome, which is a rare condition where the sinuses in the front of one side of the face close up for as long as several years. I also have a deviated septum. This probably is part of why my allergic reactions turn into painful acute sinus infections within about 48 hours, those infections linger for a month or so, then crawl into my lungs to nest for the winter.

Fixing it requires surgery. I don't know when I get the surgery- I have a consult appointment next week. I don't know how long recovery will take either. This is only upsetting for me in that I am sick right now, and that I was going to get a dog.

 I need a dog. I am a sad piece of misery without one. My house is too quiet. No one wakes me up to go for walks.

There's the catch, though. To have a dog, I have to be healthy enough to move around. I am not, so I can't. I am so lonely without a dog. I won't be able to have one until I am healthy enough to move around again, outdoors. I wear a scarf over my nose and mouth in winter here anyway because I almost always have or am recovering form lung infections in winter, so I can't breathe icy cold air.
I wanted to get a dog and go scootering with him in the mornings. I was healthy enough to do it, too. And then this happened. Foo.

You'd think after years of winter bedrest for months at a time, I'd get used to bedrest. Nope. Still as whiny as ever. I hate not being able to at least sit up and do things, but the more I do anything other than lie down or against pillows in bed, the sicker I get the next day. I have to REST.  Well, tomorrow after I do my online test I am gonna play computer games on the couch downstairs. I can be bundled up down there just as easily as up here.


Yes, online test. Did I mention the awesome side of this?
1. They caught the SSS before my eyeball started to sag. That's right, most people only know they have this thingy when their sinus has imploded so much that the bone under the eye socket is dissolved and their eye starts to droop. NOPE NOPE NOPE. So I am very thankful my CT scan showed that I have it before anything happened to my precious eyes. I am exceedingly visual and I need my eyes.
2. In spite of my brain fog making reading hard, I have found an Audio Dramatization by the BBC of my textbook, (still chortling over that) and that's been letting me "study" for the test I need to to take which is  ONLINE. My History class is at the cutting edge, for a college course, and that means our assignments and tests are all ONLINE. I can take the test from right here in my bed! I don't have to haul my weak butt into the testing center!
This is important because to attend our school you must be healthy and mobile. If you cannot wheel or walk a quarter mile or more from parking lots to classrooms, you cannot attend classes. Elevators and a few ramps do not an Accessible Campus make, not if you're too sick to walk long distances but not actually disabled.


I miss going to Aikido. I miss how cool it was to be healthy enough to work out and work hard.
I really, really miss my dog.

In Which I am Still Sick. With Rejoicing?

October 3- I went to Great Western War, an SCA event in Bakersfield CA, and the site was covered in dead Bermuda Grass.
October 4- I began to have a massive allergic reaction.
October 5- I ended up in a hotel with a chesty cough, did not return to the camping event.
October 10- ish. Got a round of Amoxicillin antibiotics for sinus infections while staying in Temecula.
October 19- End of Antiobiotics.
October 26- First xrays. Not Pneumonia.
November 3- New round of Antibiotics.
November 16-24 San Diego trip, some improvement.
November 18-22, Prednisone for strengthening heart and lungs.
December 16- Bad Coughing frequency picked up that night.
December 17- Second Xray, still normal lungs. Aches, fever arcing up to 101.6 that night.
December 18- fever and chills, coughing, etc. Still continuing. Had more blood drawn today so they can do more tests.
All we know is that it's not Pneumonia, almost totally Not Contagious because no one I've spent a lot of time close to has anything like it, and I think it may not be bacterial because I've had the same symptoms, to varying degrees, since Mid October when the sinus infection went away.

So yeah, that's what you've missed, folks.

Also, I have the honor to be the Maid of Honor for my best friend's wedding. I just really really hope I can be better soon so I can actually BE the proper maid of honor. I have a bachelorette party to plan.

In Which I am STILL Sick. AGAIN. Send Help Plz.

SO I did my week or so of medical rest, and then a week sort of recovering from that and prepping for Thanksgiving, and then the day after Thanksgiving I let myself get waaaay too much exposure to freezing dusty desert air. No, really, literally freezing. I have not been that cold in a very, very long time. A few years at least. As could be easily expected, that night I felt quite dead and I woke up with sinus problems that turned into a full blown infection.

So here it is about a week later and I still can't breathe properly. I've spent all this time in bed, again, with a brief respite on Saturday when I thought I was starting to recover, and I got out of bed for a bit longer than an hour at a time and was able to talk with friends and sculpt a little and even ordered Pizza.

I am concerned that all the health I gained over the summer will have atrophied right off me after spending an entire month in bed. Lots of other people have worse conditions than me, and maybe if it were worse I could accept it more gracefully because it'd feel, I dunno more real? This is like a lousy false half sickness that will not loose its grip, and I am running out of things to do while sick in bed.

I also feel like a loser for whining and needing so much help. I am not able to get out of bed and perform any task more complex than make cocoa or heat food in a microwave. I certainly cannot drive a car right now.
So for a bit there things got kind of desperate because I ran out of groceries and out of laundry and out of room in the bin to put my trash, and my dog was just not getting enough exercise. My friends work and my family are busy.
Luckily I was able to get help- My parents came at night and walked my puppeh, my wonderful friends came over Saturday and helped me with dishes and trash and they brought me bread and milk, and today my lovely Mother came, walked my dog and brought me clean laundry and cough drops.

Now If I could just get some sleep instead of trying to hack up my lungs...
I don't want pneumonia, I've had it once and it's exactly like another month or two of this...

In Which I Angst a Little, Some More.

Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl

Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl

Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in

Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That's the girl he chose
And Heaven knows
I'm not that girl

Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl
There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl...

Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart:
There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl....

(Lyrics from musical "Wicked")


Why do I have to fall so hard for wonderful guys who would never imagine I'd be interested, and certainly never dream of being with me? I try to hint, try to speak to him, try to smile at him whenever I see him, try to meet his eyes and let my eyes say something about what I feel, about how I could love him... And then I have to smile when he shows up with a cheerful, beautiful woman on his arm, because he's wonderful, and she's wonderful too, and they are so wonderful together, and how could I have ever thought I would be a fit match for him...