Smile, No One LIkes A Frown (rant)

The hardest thing sometimes about clinical depression and dating is that people assume you can and must make yourself look happy in order to attract a mate

And then that having a mate will make your medical condition vanish

And most general and universal is that “no one likes a sad face”

Everyone Knows
no one can love someone who isn’t cheerful.

Everyone Knows “Happiness is a choice” and if you can’t make yourself happy no one will love you,
Everyone Knows.

 Everyone knows no one loves a sad face.

Everyone knows people love a smile.

So who will love someone with incurable Clinical Depression? I can choose to be peaceful in my low points. But I am a often medically unable to be really happy. Peace in acceptance is the best I can do some days.

Single life. (rant)

Being Single is not as fun as it seems. People hear that I am Single and immediately respond with, “Whoohoo, single! You can Play the Field!” Nope.

The Field… is barren, pal. When I say Single I don’t mean “unmarried and dating around and having wild girls’ nights out”,
I mean Alone.

Don’t say that kind of thing to Single people unless you know them VERY well.

Your well meaning insinuations that I am some kind of free, happy-go-lucky, party-animal because I am without a commitment, and assuming I clearly desire to be in such a state, is not helpful or asked-for. The fact that I have been unable, for years, to form meaningful relationships or even enter dialogue with potential mates is not something I care to discuss.


Nor do you get to make remarks about me having Standards Too High. Are you saying I should lower them and go out with the first man who’d notice me? Because I made the biggest mistake of my life that way once, and it’s not an option. I do not owe a guy attention just because he singles me out and says “I want that one”. I do get a say, here.

Nor am I “waiting for Prince Charming”. Many people would have me believe I am actively driving him away by getting on with my life. I don’t have time to wait for him if he exists.

Where was this Prince Charming when I was a child being harassed and bullied and abused by boys every day of my sad little school life? Where was this Prince Charming when I was young and looking for love? Where was this Prince Charming when I was failing out of college and could have used a rescue? Where was this Prince Charming when I was finding ways to move out of my parents’ house? Where was this Prince Charming when I was fighting the darkest demons imaginable? Where was this Prince Charming when I was being stalked, in fear for my life, fleeing my home?

They tell you Prince Charming is gonna save you from the monsters, and I believed them. Then all the Princes turned out to be the monsters- or just men. 
I’m okay with the ones who are just men, but now I’ve fought off so many I can’t tell men from monsters anymore. So I’m alone.

I don’t want a Prince Charming. He doesn’t exist. I want a man. A humble, ordinary human man who isn’t there to sweep in and save me. I’d just like him to be …there.