Raine's Rules for the Internet
#1. Do not have personal arguments in ANY public venue. Facebookers, take note.
Personal Messages are for personal issues. Walls, boards and forums are for public discussion. Anything you post there is as private as a screaming match in a crowded mall or plaza. Posts about STDs, medical details, petty arguments, sniping comments about your ex, rude opinions intended to be abrasive, overly pointed political comments, etc, make you look like a fool.
#2. Unless grammatically needed, CAPS LOCK = SHOUTING. JAHWOHL!
THE ONLY PERSON I COULD IMAGINE POSTING EVERYTHING IN CAPS WOULD BE DER FUHRER. SIG HEIL. SIG DON’T DO IT.
#3. Do nt type ne publik post leik ths. Unlez dis is ho u tak in real life, dis is only ok n text mssgin as a way 2 save time.
Unless that’s how you sound in reality, don’t make yourself sound ridiculous on the internet. U is a letter. Ur was a city in ancient Sumeria. Dis is a supposed city in Hell according to certain dogmas. Please use decent attempts at spelling and grammar. People will think of you as clear and intelligent. “You’re” means You Are. “Your” means is belongs to you. End of story.
#4 Do not forward chain mail/letters/messages.
Unless you’re in Fourth Grade, do not forward chain letters. You force other people to delete unwanted stuff from their inboxes or walls. It’s pretty much the equivalent of having your dog crap on the lawn of every single person you know.
(If you’re reading this and you are in Fourth Grade, what the heck are you doing online? The internet is no place for children without a parent sitting right next to them. Parents: If you wouldn’t let your kid wander alone through New York City, they’re probably not old enough to wander alone on the internet either.)
#5. TANSTAFL. There Ain’t No Such Thing As Free Lunch. It’s as true on the internet as it is in real life.
You are not the millionth visitor, you did not win a free iPad, or a free car, nobody in Nigeria wants to send you a million dollars, nor is any link you’re given with the promise of free stuff a safe thing, no Suburban Mom makes 7,000 dollars a week with this easy plan, there is no miracle berry diet, you cannot flatten your belly or whiten your teeth with one easy strange old tip, nobody will send you free stuff or job opportunities if you give them your Social Security Number and bank account, and nobody is selling solid gold watches for a dollar apiece. “Daddy, I’ve got cider in my ear.”
#6. Safe Search, Parental Settings, Antivirus software, and Spam filters. Use. Them. What you may see cannot be unseen.
If any combination of words involves a noun or a verb, there is already extremely explicit pornography of it on the internet. I guarantee this. Do not test it. Don't.
Curiosity didn’t kill the cat- It took the cat’s innocence, coated it in spandex, glitter and black vinyl, beat it to a bloody, horrified pulp, tarred it, feathered it, doused it with kerosene and set it on fire. I didn’t invent this rule, nor have I bothered to test it, because I like my mind unscarred and functioning. Do not test this rule if you value your brain. Just know it is true.
When using a Search Engine, for the love of innocence and sanity keep your Safe Search filter ON. I sound dramatic but this is no joking matter.
